"Why my lips stayed chapped on Mother's Day"

This was the winning entry for the MSN writing contest for stories about Motherhood.

So, we had this great cat named Jack and the kids would carry him around and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on this mat in our bathroom. Well we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and 1 year old.

The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves Chapstick. LOVES it. He kept asking to use my chap stick and then losing it. So finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my Chapstick and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it right back in the drawer when he was done.

Last year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and try to get ready for Church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round the corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying my Chapstick very carefully to Jack's . . . rear end.

Eli looked right into my eyes and said "chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right—their little butts do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind.

And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it was the first time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth.

And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been using your chap stick on the cat's butt.


This story -though gross- is just perfect for my tribute to 'real moms'. Although I don't have this chapstick story, I am one of those moms who has taken pictures of other gross stuff that my kids have done. If you have an image in your mind of something...then enough said. Someday I'll publish those embarrassing photos.

After our '05 Christmas photo. You like the fake beach behind us?

Yesterday, Amanda had her first Orthodontist visit. First, you have to understand that James doesn't understand all the hub-bub about braces. "The girls' teeth are fine!", he says. Well, the rest of the dental professionals must really have it in for us Greens, cuz the doctors are all in cahoots that we take care of Monica, Amanda, and Brielle's crooked teeth. Monica could possibly get away with what she has...but I'm taking no chances. A friend of mine with 3 daughters of her own told me once, "What if the girl meets the perfect guy? He has the choice to be with a pretty girl with straight teeth or one with crooked teeth. He will take the girl with straight teeth." Shallow? Perhaps. But back to Amanda. X-rays were taken. The orthodontist then does a visual check. "Whoa!", is his first word. I hear a 'cha-ching' in the back of my mind. He peers a bit more then says, "Mom, see this!" Another 'cha-ching'...he has to convince me now so he can get that down payment on his next Porsche. He is right. James' crooked face is actually a degenerative problem. He has passed it down to his sweet 12 year old. Who else has this hideous disfiguration?? Among the jumble of misalligned teeth, the doctor showed me the way the bottom teeth/jaw on the left side were 'caving in'. This is also making her chin a little assymetrical. Thankfully, James is a giver. Amanda will get braces.

Halloween '96

Speaking of James. He's getting ready to spend even more money that we don't have for his knee surgery, which is scheduled for Tuesday. We've been waiting several months for the generous 'donor' to give up a knee. I'll post more on that later. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers...this is going to keep him off his knee for 6-8 weeks.